You can determine if your spouse is lesbian or bisexual by asking, but you may also encounter other signs that indicate either way.
Some people are not gifted with gaydar, which is the ability to detect an individual’s orientation with just a cursory glance. What if, after you’ve fallen in love with a woman, you decide to make her your spouse without realizing that she’s either bisexual or lesbian?
A lot of men have gotten married to women who are either lesbian or gay without realizing it. Similarly, some women who were married to straight men eventually realized that their partner preferred the same sex.
How to know if you have a lesbian wife
It’s heartbreaking for any man to learn that he has a lesbian spouse. The media often portrays men as lovers of lesbian romance, but it’s not appealing when the person in question is not included.
If your spouse is bisexual, there’s nothing you need to fret about. But, you still need to be supportive of her new community.
Before you confront your wife, make sure to first identify these signs. Doing so will allow you to avoid humiliating yourself.
These signs are subjective, and not all of them will be applicable in your situation.
1. Who’s the boss?
She’s the one who makes decisions regarding your relationship, and she’s always willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants. Her assertiveness and stubborn nature are also apparent.
2. Feminine touch
Bisexuals and lesbians may not have this, as their wives may not be as focused on the things that most women are interested in.
If she doesn’t care about the maintenance and decorating of your home, you’re likely to end up with a framed wedding photo on the mantle. Some women merely identify themselves as being straight.
3. Her hair
Don’t assume that your spouse is a lesbian or bisexual solely because of her short hair. Bisexuals and lesbians often go for minimal cuts, such as an undercut or pixie.
In the bisexual and lesbian communities, these are prevalent trends. It’s possible that this is due to the individual’s preference for a particular hairstyle that works best with their face shape.
4. Body language
A person’s body language can tell a lot about them. While your wife may be incredibly hot, there’s a chance that you noticed something off before you got married.
She tends to be more masculine in terms of her movements. Her legs are wide open, and she often punches you when you make fun of her, as well as her shoulders are often arched.
5. Celebrity crush
If your wife has a celebrity crush, who is it? Does she consider Margot Robbie to be the sexiest person alive? Although it’s fun to agree with her on certain subjects, it’s possible that this could be the one, and she could be Team Bella all by herself.
6. Manicure
If she’s a lesbian, your wife probably won’t be interested in long nails. She could simply state that she can’t work with them.
Long nails are not an ideal choice for lesbians, as they typically don’t have the same inclination for shaping their nails. If she’s wearing long nails, be aware of her index and middle fingers, which are typically her working fingers.
7. Sense of humor
It was very encouraging to know that you and your partner shared a similar sense of humor when you were just dating. You believed that you were both compatible, but after a while, you realize that she has developed a better sense of humor and made more accurate jokes than you did.
8. One of the guys
She’s also very comfortable around a group of men. Whenever your group of friends meets for poker, she’ll often be right there with them, giving them fits as they do chest and fist bumps. She’s either an amazing wife or one of the boys.
9. She has experience
If your wife is a lesbian, then her past could speak for itself. She may have been a bisexual prior to you meeting her, or she may have been with a girlfriend when she was younger.
She may have talked about her past in various ways, such as when she was with a girl, in lesbian bars, or completely in love with one. If she’s not open about her past, you can try to get her close friends to share confidential information.
10. Eyes for her
When you see a pretty girl walking across the street, instead of giving you a fiery glare, she will start eyeing her. You’re sure that if you’re not with her, she’ll start catcalling or hooting every woman she spots.
When she sees you staring at an attractive woman, she may respond by saying, “She’s so hot!” This is not a subtle or condescending remark, but merely an expression of her genuine admiration for women.
11. Flirty
Her eyes are focused on another woman, which is not the friendly manner in which women typically interact with their friends. Her sensual and flirty nature is apparent.
At times, you may wonder whether your wife would be as formidable a competitor against you if you weren’t married and were merely friends with her.
12. Porn preferences
Since you’re now married, you’re probably fine with watching porn with your wife. She’s probably got her preferences set on girl-on-girl action.
13. Jealous husband
You may have been envious of your wife for some time. But, your jealousy is not directed at a particular guy. It’s about her lover.
She has an extremely close friend who she secretly meets with on occasion, and whenever the latter comes over, it feels as if you are their third wheel. Most women refrain from kissing their friends.
14. Her circle
One sign that your wife is bisexual or lesbian is the company she keeps. If she has at least two, three, or more queer friends, then “the birds of the feather flock together”.
15. No appetite
Since you’ve been dating, you’ve noticed that she’s not a fan of sex in a way that you expect. When she’s feeling sexy, she tends to prefer doing something else instead of having sex with you.
Even though she starts going through the motions as your spouse, you may still believe that she doesn’t enjoy it.
What it’s like to marry a bisexual woman when you’re straight
Although it’s perfectly fine to get married to a bisexual woman when you’re heterosexual, there are still many things that you’ll experience first-hand.
1. People ask why she’s out
You’re constantly hearing people ask whether or not you made your wife like women. It’s not pleasant to hear that kind of jokes, but you can’t control others’ behavior. You can either ignore them or educate them.
2. Trust is trust is trust
Having a wife who is bisexual requires a lot of trust. You have to be aware that she may be flirting with her friends or that she’s having an affair.
It may not be easy, especially if you have problems with trust and self-esteem. The only way out is to work on communication within your marriage.
3. You learn to skip the fantasy jokes
You have to stop referring to yourself as having threesomes with your wife, and make sure to defend her when others make inappropriate jokes about her. Bisexuals have already been sexuallyized in the media, and they should not be subjected to such jokes in their daily lives.
4. Strangers think you’re into threesomes
Besides the rumors about your wife being lesbian, people also think that you and your spouse are having threesomes. It can be hard to deal with these rumors, but as long as you are focused on building a healthy and happy marriage, people will stop talking about it.
5. Friends joke she’s “transitioning” to lesbian
Some people assume that your spouse is lesbian, and you are merely her beard. You will be subjected to harassment by your friends, who will make fun of your spouse’s transition to lesbianism, as if it is merely a stepping stone to being gay.
If your wife is not amused by the jokes, ignore them and inform your friends to stop making them. She may be bothered by these jokes, so defend her.
6. Sometimes, you wonder if you’re feminine
You may believe that your spouse is secretly married to you because of your feminine side, but this is not true. Being both feminine and masculine is not a problem. Men who are open to the idea of being both are more likely to attract women of all genders.
7. You question if just one gender will satisfy her forever
If this is the scenario that you’re experiencing, then you should consider having a heart-to- heart chat with your wife. Your worries are likely justified, and it’s her job to make you feel better.
Bisexuals are more likely to be attracted to multiple genders. But it’s not like they are emotionally inclined towards one gender at the same time.
Straight men don’t want to have affairs with every girl they meet while they’re in a relationship.
8. You realize it’s not about the gender
The reason why your wife is your wife is not about the gender. She sees things in you that make her want to be with you.
9. You’re curious about her friends’ sexualities
It’s normal to be curious about your wife’s friends. You should avoid asking them if they’re lesbians.
10. People call her friends her “dates”
If you’re not sure what to say, just let the ignorant individuals talk. You know your wife better than most people, so don’t try to change their opinion.
11. You wonder if she’s better at pleasuring women
It’s not only beneficial to share tips with your spouse, but it can also spice up your sex lives.
Women typically do not know what they want or how to satisfy themselves due to their lack of experience with other women. This makes it hard for them to communicate their desires in a clear and direct manner.
On the other hand, your wife has experience with bisexual individuals. So, get her advice and practice with her.
12. You never know who is an ex
If you’re still wondering if she ever dated a girl she used to be friends with, then just ask. You’re her husband, and you have a right to know about her past. Having the opportunity to talk about her past can help strengthen your relationship.
13. You never know when she’s flirting
You won’t know whether she’s flirting or not. The only way to address this issue is by building up your trust and confidence. If you’re feeling confident about yourself, nothing will make you doubt that you’re good enough for her.
You may have noticed some signs that indicate that your wife may be bisexual, but it’s important to talk to her and be understanding. Regardless of her sexual preference, she’s still a human being and deserves respect.